03
Nov
08

CRICKET!!!

WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!!!

so. I just got done posting this thing about the spider when out of the corner of my eye I see another fuckin creepycrawly on the floor next to my bed. it’s moving HELLA fast, and I’m praying it’s a spider so it’ll be easy to kill and I can be on my sleepy way.

upon inspection, it’s a mother fuckin cricket!

there was a time, many years ago, when I used to catch crickets all the time and touching them was no big thing.

not anymore. anything that jumps gets an automatic fast pass to the bottom of my shoe. sorry. too fuckin creepy. I don’t know when this transition occurred, but that’s where we are now.

so, I go put my shoe on and step on the damn thing. I lift my shoe up and the little bastard hops all over the damn place and onto my fuckin bag right next to my bed! we’re a jump or two away from the little shit being lost in my bedding! GODDAMN IT! time for reinforcements. I put my other shoe on.

let me paint the picture for you:

I have no light in my room. I’m doing this by random aquarium fluorescent light and my laptop, which is not plugged in, mmk? I’m wearing a tshirt that’s nearly too small for me, panties (because I’ve been wearing them lately) and my new slip-ons. I’m bouncing around on the balls of my feet in non-lighting sizing up a fucking cricket.

luckily, despite being on my bag, he’s on the flap and I know my bag is empty because everything is in my other bag. so, basically, I stomp the fuck out of my bag.

naturally, this gets him, but now I’ve got cricket guts and crap all over my bag 😦 plus, I’ve got the remnants of two creepycrawly carcasses that need to be vacuumed in the morning. GROSS.

and all the while I’m thinking to myself “WHERE IS JON WHEN I NEED HIM?!”
“BUT THANK GOD HE ISN’T HERE BECAUSE I’M J

UMPING AROUND IN MY PANTIES!”

ugh. ridiculous.

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