Posts Tagged ‘creepy crawlies

03
Nov
08

CRICKET!!!

WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!!!

so. I just got done posting this thing about the spider when out of the corner of my eye I see another fuckin creepycrawly on the floor next to my bed. it’s moving HELLA fast, and I’m praying it’s a spider so it’ll be easy to kill and I can be on my sleepy way.

upon inspection, it’s a mother fuckin cricket!

there was a time, many years ago, when I used to catch crickets all the time and touching them was no big thing.

not anymore. anything that jumps gets an automatic fast pass to the bottom of my shoe. sorry. too fuckin creepy. I don’t know when this transition occurred, but that’s where we are now.

so, I go put my shoe on and step on the damn thing. I lift my shoe up and the little bastard hops all over the damn place and onto my fuckin bag right next to my bed! we’re a jump or two away from the little shit being lost in my bedding! GODDAMN IT! time for reinforcements. I put my other shoe on.

let me paint the picture for you:

I have no light in my room. I’m doing this by random aquarium fluorescent light and my laptop, which is not plugged in, mmk? I’m wearing a tshirt that’s nearly too small for me, panties (because I’ve been wearing them lately) and my new slip-ons. I’m bouncing around on the balls of my feet in non-lighting sizing up a fucking cricket.

luckily, despite being on my bag, he’s on the flap and I know my bag is empty because everything is in my other bag. so, basically, I stomp the fuck out of my bag.

naturally, this gets him, but now I’ve got cricket guts and crap all over my bag 😦 plus, I’ve got the remnants of two creepycrawly carcasses that need to be vacuumed in the morning. GROSS.

and all the while I’m thinking to myself “WHERE IS JON WHEN I NEED HIM?!”
“BUT THANK GOD HE ISN’T HERE BECAUSE I’M J

UMPING AROUND IN MY PANTIES!”

ugh. ridiculous.

Advertisements
03
Nov
08

spider.

so, spiders and everything else that could be described as “creepy” and/or “crawly” freak me the fuck out.

usually, when I encounter them in my dwelling, or sometimes just within range, I kill them.

I don’t like this. I wish it didn’t have to be this way. but they freak me the fuck out. I realize this is unfair.

lately, I haven’t had to kill things because I’ve been surrounded by people that don’t mind picking them up and putting them outside; Hailee, Sara (even though it usually takes a twenty min pep talk and strategy session), Nikki (sometimes, to some degree). it’s been nice, not being a murderer.

sometimes, if spiders aren’t directly threatening me (ha), I’ll let them go on their merry way.

last night, I noticed a daddy long leg(s?) had taken up residence in a small web wedged in the floor/wall/bed right next to my head where I sleep. because daddy long legs are benign, I decided to let him live. I did a test to make sure he wasn’t attached directly to my pillow or blanket and he wasn’t. also, he was kinda in a weird place, and they’re hard to kill on carpet. and they freak me out extra because their legs are so long, I always worry they’re one of the crazy jumping spiders. so, I did the motion test and he didn’t move, so I didn’t kill him.

this morning I woke up and he was gone. I told Nikki, panicking, that I had eaten him! she deduced that I hadn’t eaten him because my throat wasn’t scratchy. phwew.

tonight, just now, I went to get in bed and he was back! I can’t say I was pleased, but I thought it was interesting I had gained this new spider friend.

the last and only spider friend I’ve ever had was Copernicus who lived outside of Raul’s house that summer. Bruce used to walk into his very impressive web every night. check it out, I snagged this awesome picture of him one night:

I mean, that’s a spider you don’t fuck with.

anyways, unfortunately tonight when I did the pre-bed motion test, new spiderfriend totally moved. so I got freaked out. and I put on my shoe, and I killed him.

I’m sorry.




archives.

Categories